ravel bans. Toilet paper. Face masks. Hand gel. Tinned tomato soup. None of these things are sexy, at least not at first glance. This Spring has fast become a bone-free zone. No one wants to leave a Tinder date wondering if they’ve just made out with patient zero.

However, it IS 2020, and no touching does NOT have to mean no sexy time. The no-fluid, VR-sex-based society in Demolition Man may have seemed far out and fictional in the 90s, but in the 21st century modern tech is here to save the sexy day.

Here are 10 innovative ways to get your rocks off while you’re on lockdown.

1. Long distance love with connected sex toys

Can’t see your partner because there’s a road, city or ocean in between? Stay connected with long distance connected sex toys (aka teledildonics, which is a fantastic name). Vibio’s app-controlled toy Ella allows couples to play whether they’re in the same room or not, allowing them to control sensations as if touching each other and creating connections over any distance.

2. Get down and dirty, virtually

VR has become a big part of the adult industry (an estimated 60% of VR wesbites are porn sites) and new technologies are bringing users closer to the sensation that ever before. Kiiro’s Onyx+ digital interactive male masturbator comes with an optional connected VR headset — bringing the immersive action right onto the body.

3. Thrill your ears with audio erotica

The popularity of podcasts has created an exciting new breed of audio services, many of which are finding new ways to turn us on aurally. Emjoy promotes itself as an ‘audio guide for intimate wellbeing’, whereas Dipsea, Quinn, and Girl On The Net provide a selection of sexy stories to while away those isolated hours.

4. Get sensorially stimulated with ASMR porn

ASMR has become quite a sexy arena already, with creators praised for their sultry, comforting voices. AdultTime, the adult industry’s version of Netflix, recently created an ASMR series featuring the sexy voice of porn’s hottest star Angela White (there’s a SFW trailer on YouTube for the curious).

5. Delve into the beautiful world of erotic art on Instagram

The hashtag #eroticart brings up a wealth of tasteful and titillating art, a great way to discover new creators and rediscover the sublime beauty of the human form — check out @Regards_Coupables and @kliuwong for starters

6. Discover online erotic literature

We may not be heading out to bookshops any more, but there’s so much wonderful erotica online we don’t have to. Literotica is a huge library of sexy stories to suit every taste, and they’re all free!

7. Smoosh into other people-blobs in a sort of sexy way

OK this one is hard to explain, you’ll just have to try it. Sex-positive dating app Feeld have partnered with Moniker to create an online space where sensual gloop-versions of people can smoosh each other as ‘ForPlay’. It’s initially anonymous, so you can interact with new people in a purely sensorial way (you can then ‘match’ with blobs you get on with and chat to their human counterparts) It’s actually sexy I promise.

8. Support sex workers via performer-owned content sites

Let’s face it, we’re at home, many of us alone, and we’re probably going to be watching some porn, at the very time when sex workers are taking a huge hit to revenue. Rather than visiting free sites (which rarely compensate performers for the content that’s shown), why not support performers directly through services like Only Fans, FanCentro or ManyVids. You can also chat to performers on these platforms, so you can support each other through this trying time.

9. Make your own porn

No time like the present! You’ve got the space and the time and it’s great way to get yourself feeling sexy. Make Love Not Porn, the ‘world’s 1st user-generated, human-curated ‘socialsex’ video sharing platform’ encourage submissions, just so you know.

10. Failing that, get into your PJs and watch The Witcher

Wanna know why is everybody was singing that damn song about ‘tossing’? Seriously, you have no excuse, now is the time to binge on Henry Cavill’s butt. He can take us all to the valley o’ plenty anytime.

However you spend your quarantine, stay safe, stay sexy, and wash your hands!

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